“Rugby is a good occasion to keep 30 bullies far from the centre of the city.”

So said 19th Century Irish poet Oscar Wilde who, apparently, had never been to Cardiff on a Saturday night after a Six Nations match. 

Although iconic, this quote shows the general perception rugby, whether fairly or unfairly, still has today.

Many still regard it as an avenue for usually mild mannered men and women to stick the boot into each other for 80 minutes, using any form of skulduggery to gain an advantage. 

This brings us to shithousery. This noble concept has existed for as long as rugby has been played, a type of gamesmanship which can affect a match or simply wind-up the opposition.

It can be blatant and in full view of everyone or it can be hidden away in the shadows. It is not outright nastiness, however, and that is a key aspect of the art.

For instance, I would not call Schalk Burger’s eye gouge on Luke Fitzgerald in the second test of the 2009 Lions tour of South Africa shithousery, but rather an assault.

There is a certain nuance to the skill and a je ne sais quoi surrounding it.

Despite its wide definition, The Flanker has tried to identify some of the greatest, most controversial and downright devious moments of shithousery below. 

All Black Andy Haden takes a dive

The All Blacks 1978 tour of Britain and Ireland was famous for a few reasons. New Zealand finished with an unbeaten “Grand Slam” of Test victories, but Munster earned a famous 12-0 over the Kiwis at Thomond Park.

However, it was the controversial match against Wales that went down in infamy.

With six minutes left in the second half, Wales were leading New Zealand 12-10 thanks to the boot of Gareth Davies (not that one but rather the very skillful fly half) and on their way to a first win over the All Blacks since 1953. 

A Wales lineout changed all that. As the ball was thrown in Kiwi lock Andy Haden theatrically dived away from the set play in a frankly heinous attempt to earn his side a penalty, which English referee Roger Quittenton duly awarded. 

Up stepped replacement five-eight Brian McKechnie to slap over the easy penalty and the 13-12 victory was all but assured for the All Blacks.

Controversy reigned after the incident with Welsh cartoonist Gren depicting the Miss World competition - which happened on the same day as the game - and the Miss New Zealand competitor in a heap on the ground. 

It should be noted Quittenton said he did not actually award a penalty for Haden’s dive, instead giving it for an infringement on fellow lock Frank Oliver which, in fairness, can be seen on the match footage.

The late Haden, however, never apologised for the incident and never denied he had been trying to game a decision from the referee.

He said in 2018: “The referee was on our side of the lineout on the 5m line. Before the ball was thrown in, he moved around past us and around the back to the other side.

 “He could obviously see all their players, but he couldn’t see us. That’s the reason [the dive] was quite a theatrical performance, to make sure we got his attention.”

The incident still leaves a sour taste in the mouth of Welsh supporters and players, with a victory over the All Blacks the only thing missing from the resume of that dazzling Wales team of the 1970s.

Speaking to the Rugby Paper in 2016, Wales centre on the day Steve Fenwick said: “No-one has more respect for the All Blacks than me but that was a disgrace - the closest thing I’ve seen to soccer on a rugby field.” 

There is a sting to this tale. Three years after the incident Brian McKenchie, the “double All Black” who slotted the winning penalty, was the batsman to face Ian Chappell’s infamous ‘underarm ball’ back in 1981.

With his team needing a six to win a One Day International in the World Series of Cricket, it meant that it was physically impossible for him to score the runs and threw his bat away in disgust after the legal - but blatant - gamesmanship. 

Perhaps one for those who believe that what goes around, comes around. 

Rattez gets one up on Maro

Maro Itoje could be considered the shithouse-in-chief of the modern game. He has the nauseating chat, lives just about on the right side of the law, head slaps opposition members in rucks and mauls while generally annoying any player he goes up against. 

This prevailing narrative was flipped on its head a little bit in the Six Nations match this February. In the middle of France’s scintillating display at the Stade de France, where they blew away Eddie Jones’ side, a certain Vincent Rattez out-shithoused the shithouse. 

Early in the second half, with the French pinned on their 5m line, England are picking and going to try and force some foothold back in a game they had been dominated in.

One of those is Maro itoje who has the misfortune of having his scrum cap come off in a ruck, which is chucked towards the try line. 

With the ball turned over to the French, things aren’t looking greatest for England and Maro, but the big lock can at least get his scrum cap back and head back into the game.

But, to paraphrase legendary basketball commentator Mike Breen, it was: “BLOCKED BY RATTEZ.”

As Itoje crawls to grab his scrum cap the La Rochelle full back throws it further into the dead ball area, in a metaphor for how 2020 has disregarded any of our plans for true happiness.

The England lock protested to Nigel Owens but when he tucked himself up in bed that night, he knew he had been played.  

It’s shithousery 101: it’s gamesmanship, it’s funny, and it winds up the opposition. Ultimately, it has no bearing on the outcome on the match like Haden’s dive, but it sure as hell deserves a place on this list. 

Nathan Hines pins the whole of Belfast down

With a home quarter final in the 2011-12 Heineken Cup on the line, the final pool stage game between Clermont and Ulster at the Stade Michellin was a bruising one.

Both of these were vintage teams with Wesley Fofana and Aurélien Rougerie in the centres for Clermont and Stephen Ferris and Ruan Pienaar lining up for the Belfast outfit. 

The French eventually ground out the game 19-15 to earn their home quarter final spot, with some of their lesser known players engaging in some shithousery in order to edge the tie. 

One man was Nathan Hines. The Aussie-born Scotland international had found a lease of life at Clermont and apparently a new gym workout routine if this feat of strength is anything to go by.

With Clermont 12-9 up and camped on the Ulster line, Hines saw an opportunity to take some players out of the Northern Irish defensive structure.

After a messy ruck, he holds not just one, or two, but THREE meaty Ulster forwards. He’s grabbing Ferris’ leg with his left arm, Pedrie Wanneburg with his right all while pinning down lock Dan Tuohy with his body. 

Lee Byrne goes over to score in the next phase of play, promptly starting a scuffle with the Scottish lock in the middle of things. Unfortunately for him, referee Dave Pearson is alerted to the infringement and the try is reversed to a penalty for Ulster. 

Ultimately Clermont edge the tight contest, but Hines’ feat of strength stands out. It wasn’t just a big lock grabbing onto a selection of scrum halves and wingers, he went for the big fish and for that he cannot be faulted. 

It ultimately didn’t pay off but big Nathan wrote himself into the shithousery hall of fame that fateful January evening.

Steyn and Bobo catch La Rochelle off guard

Before the time of Finn Russell, Simon Zebo, Virimi Vakatawa and the rest of the current day Galacticos , Racing 92 were a burgeoning Top 14 team just trying to establish themselves as the top team in Paris let alone France.

In September 2010, the team faced off against newly promoted La Rochelle where their stars came to the fore.

After a penalty was scored by the Brittany-based side, it was Francois Steyn and flying Fijian Sereli Bobo who made full advantage of the situation. 

With the help of a crafty ballboy, a la Trent Alexander-Arnold in the 2019 Champions League semi-final, the South African was able to take a quick restart to catch the opponets napping.

In the space of just 10 seconds, La Rochelle had gone from celebrating cutting the lead down by three to wondering what  the hell had just happened. 

Clearly on the same wavelength as the South African, winger Bobo had sprinted up in preparation for the kick which was right on the money.

It was ingenuity of the highest order, with just a touch of gamesmanship that makes it eligible for this list. 

A quality bit of bending the rules, with Bobo well ahead of Steyn during the kick, put Racing in control of a match they would eventually come out comfortable 43-18 victors in. 

The Hand of Back

Here it is. The granddaddy of them all.  A moment which has gone down in infamy in Limerick and legend in the East Midlands. It is the defining moment in rugby shithousery and has all the hallmarks to be the greatest of all time. 

The occasion? Check. Heineken Cup final 2002 in front of 75,000 in the Millennium Stadium. Leicester vs Munster with the Tigers hoping to become the first back to back champions in the competition's short but illustrious history.

It doesn't get any bigger than this. 

It had been every inch the titanic battle. Ronan O’Gara’s kicking had given the Munstermen a 6-0 lead early on but tries from Geordan Murphy and Austin Healey either side of half time put the Tigers up 15-9 on the 70th minute.

Munster, however, pushed for the converted try which would give their first taste of European glory. With a scrum on the Leicester 5m line, Peter Stringer was probably thinking about getting the ball to his backs as he fed the scrum.

Instead, openside flanker Neil Back cheekily flicked the ball out of his hand and into the path of grateful Leicester hooker Dorian West.

It was clearly visible on the television cameras, with Miles Harrison and Stuart Barnes of Sky Sports picking up on the incident immediately. Crucially, the one who missed the foul play was the only man that mattered.  

Despite the Irishman frenzied protests, referee Joel Jutge and his linemen had been absolutely duped and Leicester were able to comfortably clear their lines and see out the danger all thanks to the ‘Hand of Back.’ 

The fallout was inevitably volatile. Irish press and fans called Back a cheat and Tigers’ coach Dean Richards was typically uncompromising when asked about the indeed after the game.

 ‘‘Neil Back is a winner. It is part of the winning mentality,’’ grumbled Richards.

‘‘Is it any different to Peter Clohessy driving in at the scrum or any other penalty Munster gave away for that matter?

‘‘If you call Neil Back a cheat, you are calling any player who concedes a penalty a cheat.’’

Back himself seemed apologetic after the incident, admitting: “In a way, I wish I hadn’t done it.

“I have to be honest about it. I don’t like people thinking I’m a cheat. I don’t want that slur. I’m not a cheat. I had a lot of mail over that incident, mostly negative.

“There were letters saying I was a cheat, some of them from Leicester fans, which was a bit hurtful.

 “If people wanted to make me feel bad about what happened, they have. That’s disappointing and I know it upset my wife, Alison.

“If I thought there was any possible way of redressing it, I would consider it. I regret it because I don’t like to think that, because of that one incident, there are people who think I’m a cheat.”

“It has tarnished my reputation. In making any judgment, I would hope people will evaluate me over my whole career and not label me on that one moment. It happened spontaneously.

“I weighed the options up in a split-second and did what I did.”

Shithousery, it seems, does have its consequences. If you are going to shithouse kids, please do it responsibly.